Mr. Wonderful

I fell head over heels in love with him
He treated me so different than the rest of them
He had my heart on lock
A love I never thought would stop
But all of that changed
Now I cry when I see his name
And the pain is so real
I wish I could really express how I feel
It's an understatement to say that it hurts
I wake and go to bed feeling like dirt
Because he used to put a smile on my face
Now that has been replaced
And these tears flow freely
Eyes so swollen I can barely see
Because I never thought he would hurt me
He's always been the one to protect me
And true I might have created this issue
But I never thought of holding back my "I love you"
Even when I was lil sis
I couldn't imagine this
Now I don't know what to do
And I don't know what is true
I try to be as honest as I can
But he doesn't seem to understand
That there's an issue much bigger than him and me
And that for years I've been dealing with severe anxiety
Declared impaired by the state
But I'd rather work than sit around and wait
I fight everyday that I leave my home
And my best moments are when I'm alone
That's why I self medicate to find peace
Because everything gets to me
And the fact that he doesn't get this
Makes me feel like shit
But even though he doesn't understand
I still think he's an extraordinary man
With tears rolling down my face
I still hold him in a special place
Because to change how I feel about him now
Means that my feelings weren't real anyhow
Yeah I'll promote him however I can
Because I won't down a good man
Just wish I could feel the warmth and love that I did the other day
But I can feel him pulling away
And because I don't know what to do
I'll let go and pray because that's all I can do

 
Mr. Wonderful by Yanee Brinks is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Life..

Yesterday I thought about ending my own life
Because too many things weren't going right
And I hadn't thought that way in a while
Because God had given me a reason to smile
But relationships took a turn for the worse
And I'm the only one that ended up hurt
Problems occurred that I can't handle right now
To be honest I wouldn't even know how
For the first time in a while
I felt like an abandoned child
Because peoples words cut me deep
So hurt I couldn't even cry myself to sleep
And as my tears flowed freely
I pressed the cold steel deeply
I wanted relief from all of this pain
I felt as if I was going insane
Because thoughts kept replaying in my head
And I kept going over what people had said
And I can't lie
I just wanted to die
But now I see
That's not what God wanted for me
Because I'm still alive
Despite my tries I survived
I only wish the thoughts would go away
So that I can be thankful for another day
But darkness has formed all around me
And evil and negativity is all I see
A child of God lost
Fallen victim to my own thoughts


Life.. by Yanee Brinks is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Lock Down

I don't really like to frown
So I'm about to put my heart on lock down
Because I didn't open up my heart
For you to tear it apart
Or to be constantly lied to
I was just fine without you
And if I took my love away
What would you have to say?
Yeah you wouldn't say shit
You'd be more than happy to quit
So let me help you
Bye bye boo
Go away and leave me be
Please don't try to contact me
I'm in my feelings if you can't tell
And it's not a good time for any male
Because all y'all have on us is a dick
And y'all can keep that shit
I can take care of my needs
And all I need is me
Yeah you hurt me and I helped you
So I guess that makes me a fool too
But I never expected this from you
Then again you are a nigga too
Thought I was blinded by love
But I was being played by a wannabe thug
But it's all good though
I'd rather be pissed off than continue to be your hoe
So bye bye boo
I'm already over you