Too Much Pain

Wish I could cry the pain away
And smile to see brighter days
Because the only reason I'm living
Is because of my children
You've brought on this heartache and pain
And now my life will never be the same
I'm fucked up over you
And I feel like a fool
I feel like my feelings don't matter to you
And that our love isn't really true
I feel like there is no more us
So now it's hard for me to trust
I feel like there are secrets being harvested
But who am I but your side bitch
The sad thing is that I still want you
I just don't feel like you want me too
I'm so unhappy with myself
For loving someone else
Especially when they don't love me
You've made that clear for me to see
I just hate that I'm losing my friend
But I guess all good things come to an end

Confused About Love

I love him so much
Cry because I miss his touch
Would give anything to see him happy
Because I know what he does for me
He makes me smile when I'm down
Even though he's not around
His words soothe me
His touch relaxes my body
I'm his spoiled baby
And he's my big daddy
I would give him the world
If only I was his girl
Yes I admit I'm head over heels for this man
Although I'm not his woman
But it's something about him
That's so different from the rest of them
Like when he says that he loves me
I turn into putty
When he expresses his feelings to me
It makes me so happy
Yet at times the tears fall
Because in my mind our relationship has hit that wall
The one that makes me snap back to reality
About things with him and me
Especially when I can't give him what he wants
Although he believes I just won't
And no matter what happens in life
I'll never be his wife
We can never be together and no one can ever find out
So at times it's hard to express my love so I just shut my mouth
He doesn't know how much that bothers me
Because it'll just come off as selfishness and jealousy
But I just love him unconditionally
And hopes he feels the same way about me
Hell I love him more than I did my ex husband
So you know my feelings are deep for this man
And I can't let him go
So I don't let alot of things show
I often think that I'm loving the wrong guy
But if that's true then why would that statement make me cry
Confused and dazed
Love crazed
These are just some of my problems
When it comes to my heart and him
So farewell until next time
When I need to clear my mind

Dark Places

People can't understand why
Why I'd rather give up on life and die
They think I don't have fight in me
When I've been in battles a plenty
And I've come out on top
But life doesn't stop
It delivers one blow after the next
No one knows how many are left
And those that don't care
Never really wanted to be there
They just wanted me to go away
So that they can carry on with their day
And even though I stand tall
And fight through it all
The dark thoughts creep in
Which causes me to sin
And causes me to think horrible things
Do things that shouldn't be seen
Love replaces hate
I have feelings that I fight not to escape
And in the end
When I realize that I have no friends
I ask why
Why not die?
Why not end it all?
Everyone is already waiting on my downfall
These are feelings that I face everyday
So I ask you, how would you feel being me for a day?

Can't Be Friends

When everything ends
We won't be friends
And although I pray that we're never apart
Thinking about the end hurts my heart
Because I know that day will come
When our love will come undone
And that terrifies me
Because I've never been this attached to anybody
Through all that we've been through
I still want you
You were my shoulder to cry on
When things went wrong
The one that listened to me cry
When inside I just wanted to die
The one that showed me love from wherever you were
Even through text I felt it through your words
So if you never talk to me again
Know that my love will never end
You left a mark on me
And secrets that will go to the grave with me
Your love can never be replaced
The way you touched my heart can never be erased
But sometimes I feel like we're enemies
Because you get mad with me so easily
And it's at those times
That I'd rather die
Because the pain is too much
I no longer feel that comforting touch
The anger takes over
And we're friends no longer
But life must go on
As if nothing is wrong
When in reality the hardest thing that I have to do
Is carry on without you

Who We Are

What makes you better than me?
Is it because you live your life for all to see?
Is it because you're loose with your money?
I can't find a reason why
But I do see you living a lie
Things aren't really what they seem
But you sold everyone a dream
And I can't be mad at that
I just know the facts
I choose to be me
I don't care what others see
My life might not be perfect
But I know that my life is worth it
Do you really feel that you're living life?
Can you honestly say that EVERYTHING is alright?
I'm not trying to be rude
But you need to adjust your attitude
You need a dose of reality
A sip of your own tea
We all have our own problems in life
But in no way is yours better than mines alright
My life is my life
Who are you to say that I'm not living right?
In the end we are the same
Troubled souls going by a different name
And if I've upset you....sorry not sorry

Life's Struggle

These emotions going through me
Are charged with negative energy
Some days I'm up and others I'm down
And there's plenty of days were I don't want anyone around
I just want to be left to myself
To focus on my health
Then I realized that isn't real
That I needed to know how love feels
I need someone in my life
That could make me feel alright
Someone to simply be there
And show that he cares
Someone that will know just what to say
To help me have an awesome day
I need a love so deep
That being without him makes me weak
Someone to shower me with love
Yet can comfort me with a simple hug
I don't need him to spend a fortune on me
But I need to know that I'm his Queen
Yeah I finally realized what would help me feel alright
I just want to feel loved in life
To feel special to that one man
That I can make feel special as his woman
But sadly that's not the deal
And I don't know how that special love feels
So I'll continue on as I always do
Hoping that one day my dreams will come true
Hoping that one day my King will come
And that when he does our love will never be undone

Butterflies

He gives me butterflies
Whenever I look into his eyes
And time suddenly stops
When our lips lock
And when he touches me
I lose control of my body
He makes my love come down
Even when he's not around
Because my love for him is so strong
And it's been that way for so long
And words can't express how I feel right now
When the only place I want to be is in his arms but how
I need to feel his love
I need to be wrapped up in his hugs
I need to run my fingers through his hair
While planting kisses everywhere
I need to slowly remove his clothes
What's to come next, he already knows
I need to devour his manhood
Sucking on him taste so good
I want him to caress my head as I help him relax
I'm not stopping until I taste him climax
I need to drain him of all emotion
Only leaving him with the thoughts of my love motion
I just want to please my man
And show him love only I can
Because he means the world to me
And I'm willing to do anything to keep him happy