Dear Diary: Mr. Perfect

I had a dream that I fell head over heels in love with this guy. But it turned out to be just that...a dream. The more my love grew for him the more secrets that I learned. True I researched a couple of things myself but for the most part Romeo wasn't what he claimed. And it broke my heart to know that once again I was played by someone I thought I could trust.
I feel used. I feel betrayed. I feel so disgusted with myself. How do I go on? I jeopardized my home. And what did I get in return? Nothing. The things that I did have me hanging my head in shame. I can't stop crying. I love him but I can't ignore this lie. I've learned that when you want something so bad you overlook things that prove to be important. That's how I ended up here...hurt. And of course doing physical harm to him has come to mind but that's not me. But I want him to feel the hurt that I feel. The sad thing is that I was once a good girl but now those promiscuous thoughts have returned. And it was very easy to awaken the devils that I once danced with. Its like they never forgot and can't wait for more. I still don't know what to do. I need to release the anger built up in me. For right now I will sex with strangers and cut for a rush. Hoping that everything will go dark for good. I can't deal with this. How do you love me when you're actions say otherwise? Was she prettier than me? Was she better in bed than me? Did you buy you the world in just one day? Whatever it was I hope it was worth it. Because I wouldn't have done you that way. My heart and my words were one. And I meant everything that I said while you fed me false feelings. You strung me along for your satisfaction. Now I'm left to pick up the pieces of my life while you move on. So long love. I don't wish you well. In fact I'll see you in hell.